I often wonder how many people realize that they don't like coffee? It seems to me there is a strong, thoughtless undercurrent driving a person's daily coffee intake. Of course, I speak of the habitual coffee drinker and not the casual one such as myself. The benefit of working in the mornings (as much as I hate seeing 6am) is that I get to be a silent people-watcher. The daily ebb and flow of zombies stammering through the lobby to grab their morning cup is an observation I never fail to enjoy.
The majority of coffee drinkers fall within certain categories, each of which have distinctive characteristics that separate them from the crowd. First up, there are the thermos carriers: religious about their habit, much more concerned with quantity over quality; they will wipe you clean and then ask for more without shame. On the flip side, there are the mug carriers: the people who are also religious about their habit, but with an intolerable sense of piousness. They travel with their extra-special ceramic mug, god forbid anything happen to it, and they daintily sip taking special care to criticize every whiff. These people care about quality, but they tend to be too cheap or too lazy or too stupid to travel with their own brew and instead help themselves to the free Folgers only to complain at every swallowed drop, making sour faces as if they were being forced to drink or else face Chinese water torture. These snobby people tend to slurp and hold their mugs pinky-finger-out, because they're too good for manners and their little finger is too sacred to be expected to support a mug.
Then there are the world's-best-parent drinkers. I identify them in this manner not based on their parenting skills, but on my imaginary depictions of what their kitchen cupboards must look like: strewn with a menagerie of mismatched coffee mugs collected from local bank giveaways and their kids' summer camp art projects and really bad office party Secret Santas. These people happen to love Folgers; they have no time (and perhaps no money) for Starbucks or gourmet coffees, so they stock up on the trademark red plastic canisters ten-at-a-time whenever they go on sale at Kmart. These people almost always have children so traveling with a special mug is impractical and they're perfectly happy to take their brew in the provided styrofoam cups. I would bet money in Vegas that 9 times out of 10 these people also walk out with as many free cups as they can carry out the door to keep in their car as they travel to their next destination. Travel lids were made for these people.
Next up: the black drinkers. It is possible that the people in the aforementioned categories take their joe plain, but I reserve a special category for a specific black coffee aficionado. Some people prefer the taste of black coffee, some are elitists and believe coffee should not be tarnished by sugar or creamers, but these people are in it for a fix. Most likely their mouths are calloused, they walk to the coffee pot with purpose and imbibe as quickly as possible without much regard for temperature or taste. Their signature is the telltale "Aaaah" after the first gulp, as if they had been experiencing something excruciating that only piping hot arabica could cure. These people are completely incapable of successfully integrating into society without their morning tonic and should be avoided before first brew at all costs.
Regardless of the category, it has been my experience through observation that the majority of coffee drinkers believe that it is impossible to go about their day without at least eight ounces of java coursing through their systems. It's the first step after waking, before hygiene, before social interaction, before dressing, and mostly importantly before having to think. Coffee is the breakfast of champions, if by "champions" you mean the over-worked, under-slept, time-crunched robots grumpily tackling another day for another dollar, couldn't-appreciate-a-good-café-if-it-paid-them-a-million-dollars kind of crowd. Thanks, Folgers.
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When I answer the phone "___________, XXX speaking, how can I help you?" it's for YOUR benefit, not mine. I already know who I am and where I work. Also, CLEARLY you dialed the number, which means you HAVE our number, which implies that you know where you're calling, in which case, why is it necessary to ask "Is this ___________?" No it's the fking morgue, can I take your order?
Perhaps, when calling a place of business, it should be considered WHY you are calling before you call. If you don't have a specific reason for calling, I recommend calling when you get a clue. Might I suggest writing your questions on a piece of paper in advance? It would save both of us the trouble of having multiple phone calls that could have been handled in one.
I often dream of taking a sledgehammer to the phone console and all the portable phones. Mostly because I hate the ringing, but also because I hate how much of my time is spent on stupid people who are severely lacking in proper phone skills.
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Priceline.com topped the list of a recent survey of American retailers with the worst customer service. In theory, for the hotel industry Priceline is genius from both ends of business. Hotels have the opportunity to sell vacant rooms to an expanded population otherwise unreachable by other methods, and customers have the benefit of staying at hotels that are discounted due to vacancy as opposed to discounted for quality.
The unfortunate reality of this seemingly win-win situation is that the breakdown occurs in the third party, that being Priceline.com. This site in particular is especially guilty of making guarantees that it CANNOT OFFER. When booking hotels on Priceline guests are given the impression that they can request (read: DEMAND) such characteristics as pool-side, without neighbors, completely soundproof, etc., and that these needs will be met as guaranteed by the Priceline Promise. Certain things such as a room being non-smoking, or handicap accessible are completely accommodate-able, but regardless of our best efforts the hotel industry as a whole is completely incapable of guaranteeing things like specific room placement due to practicality. But because a person chooses to book their reservation through Priceline instead of through the hotel's own central reservation system, they are lead to believe that the 100% money back guarantee is the burden of the property at which they stay.
Let me assure you, it is not. Thousand-dollar-a-night five star hotels aside (yes, I'm talking about you, Dubai and Las Vegas), hotels for us regular folk are not equipped with the technology or other resources to give any customer the kind of customized stay that Priceline.com guarantees. If Priceline.com guarantees you a pool-side room when the property had no pool-side rooms to spare, your complaints at the front desk will not go unheard but they will go unresolved, at least by the property's staff. Despite all inclinations to believe so, this is not negligence. This is how Priceline works: you pay them money with your credit card, you stay at the hotel, but the hotel doesn't receive your money until AFTER your checkout, at which point the hotel charges a FRACTION of what you paid to a specified Priceline charge account. So not only does a hotel not get paid immediately, they also receive less money on Priceline rooms, AND have the misfortune of having to be on the receiving end of customer complaints when Priceline cannot deliver.
Ideally: You pay your money to Priceline, your complaints should go to Priceline, Priceline should fix the mess, and your negative opinions should be directed at Priceline.
Reality: You pay your money to Priceline, and the hotel is left to deal with the fallout from the Priceline Guarantee, at a cut of profit. So much for good business.
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Prominent Midwest Hotel Firm looking for a Hotel General Manager for a nationally branded site in the XXX area…
Requires a minimum of 2 years experience operating a lodging facility and at least 5 years in the hospitality business. Please send resume via email. <--- Oh if only :(
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