beautiful mess inside.

Caller: Is your tavern still open?
Front desk: No, I'm sorry, the lounge closed in August.
C: Do you know why it closed?
FD: I have no idea.
C: NO. It closed because of that stupid no-smoking law. I used to remember we would go outside with our drinks and have to smoke.

Still not sure what the purpose of that last statement was, other than to waste my time and test my patience.

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Random passerby: Do you sell cigarettes here?

No, no we fucking don't.

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Room 107: The housekeeper be coming up in here cleaning my stuff.
FD: That's what housekeeping does.

This particular guest called the desk to accuse our 70+ year old housekeeper of stealing a collection of video games. Yes, video games. And supposedly a stack of "brand new, expensive" plain white unmarked towels. Now, let's run this down together:

1. What the fuck does a woman of that age have any use for video games? She doesn't. Even if she were to be stealing these things for her grandkids, THIS FAMILY IS A BUNCH OF MILLIONAIRES. If she wants video games, she can afford to buy them her damn self.

2. This specific room is constantly a mess... dirty-nasty-can't-walk-through-the-door-without-tripping-on-something kind of mess. I highly doubt your shit is getting stolen, I just think you're too lazy to clean up your own filth and now you can't locate things. NOT MY PROLBLEM.

3. Your son is probably a liar. Most likely, he took his games to school and lost them or had them taken away from him. I know you're his parent and you want to think the best of him, but just because he says his video games should be in the room doesn't mean they are beyond-a-doubt in the room.

4. Who the fuck brings plain white unmarked towels to a hotel? MARK YOUR SHIT LADY.

5. This is not your home, so don't expect us to treat it like it is. THIS IS OUR PROPERTY, and if we feel like entering your room, WE WILL. Which is not to say you're not entitled to a certain amount of privacy, but let's be practical here. We HAVE to clean your room every couple of days whether you like it or not, which means we HAVE to be around your personal belongings. And if it means so damn much to you, take better care of it. We will not be held responsible for your carelessness.